Not Worth The Hurt
by Battenburg507
Summary: When you're struggling with a problem which isn't anyone's fault, who takes the blame? And what happens if you're not worth that struggle? NaruSaku break-up in chapter 1, GaaNaru friendship in chapter 2.
1. Chapter 1

_Author's Note: In a moment of extreme self-pity, I put pen to paper and this is what came out. Okay, self-pity mode over, I literally spent half an hour on this so I'm sorry if it reads like it wasn't really thought through! I'm not actually a follower of NaruSaku but, as seems to be a recurring case with my spontaneous one-shots, it's just turned out that way. I hope I've done them justice for all the lovers out there (although I doubt it)_

_Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, or the characters, as everyone knows :) But I do love them to bits_

* * *

><p>Naruto had once been used to being told he wasn't worth the effort it took to keep him alive. But he hadn't expected to be hearing the same sorts of things now, in his twenties.<p>

He watched as his girlfriend walked quickly away down the street, her head of baby pink hair protected by an umbrella from the nostalgically unsympathetic sky.

Well, when he said _girlfriend_…

He turned sombrely back into his flat. The candles on the small kitchen table were still flickering warmth through the room but by the time Naruto regained the capacity to think, they had long burned down to tiny stumps and drowned themselves out.

Naruto found himself curled around his knees on the floor, and stiffly got to his feet in the dark. He reached into the pocket of his trousers and slowly pulled out a tiny box, stared at it for a while, and suddenly, in a burst of frustration, he threw it across the room and dived onto the sofa, burying his head in the cushions.

Three years… Three years he'd been in a relationship with Sakura and… suddenly he's not worth the effort? This one, single issue overruled each and every positive quality he possessed?

Naruto knew he had issues, but he tried his best. He tried his god-damned best to overcome them for her sake. He could grin and bear it, but he knew Sakura couldn't. He never wanted to hurt her. Since Sasuke's death on the battlefield all those years ago, Naruto had been plagued with nightmares, whispers which tormented him by day as well as by night. He could often be found huddled on the ground with his head clamped between his hands, screaming. All because of the voices which told him, day in and day out, exactly what his mistakes had been, and exactly what could have been done to save his friend, but wasn't.

The voices belonged to many people, the most prominent of which there were three. The first was his mother, Kushina. She had a sympathetic viewpoint and aimed to comfort her beloved son but her words caused Naruto to feel just as much guilt as those of the more vocal Itachi Uchiha. Clever Itachi Uchiha, who had everything mapped out in advance, but who relied on the wrong person to carry out his plans. His voice was bittersweet, since he tried not to blame Naruto for everything and yet the regret, the disappointment was clear and _that_ was only the _second_ most troubling voice.

There were many, many voices, those of almost every person he knew, who condemned Naruto's failure, these were the ones who told him constantly of his mistakes, who rubbed the answers in his face, too late. But the voice which troubled him most, was that of Sasuke Uchiha himself. What drove Naruto to the severest of outbursts was that Sasuke could have helped to save _himself_, if only he hadn't been so stubborn and confided in Naruto sooner, these confessions which Naruto could now never escape from, could never use to save Sasuke.

The voices, and the severe anxiety which they caused Naruto grew more damaging every day. Sakura had stayed by his side through thick and thin, had promised that she'd never give up on him, no matter what. She was certain she could find a cure for his madness.

But Naruto had just learned, that even promises made by your best friends, by your _lovers_, could not be trusted. Everyone had their limits, and they were all too quick to promise more than they could achieve.

Sakura's patience had finally reached its limit. Naruto's constant struggle and the strain it put on them both had broken her down until she barely recognised herself. She couldn't take it anymore. Why should she be punished, why should she live in hell for something she'd had no part in.

On one level, Naruto agreed with her. She deserved to live a happy life which he obviously was not providing. On the other hand, where did that leave him? If even his closest friend couldn't survive his madness, then who could? He was doomed to live a lonely life, because of a mental breakdown he couldn't have prevented.

The fault lay with neither party. Sakura didn't deserve to be dragged down and neither did Naruto deserve to be abandoned, but what else could have been done? He wanted the best for her, so he had to let her go.

On his sofa, Naruto scoffed at the ridiculous cliché and buried his head further into the cushions. He pulled his knees up to his chin and hugged them tight. One phrase echoed around his mind that night, lulling him into the tired, aching sleep which follows hours of painful, wracking sobs.

_I'm not worth it._

_I'm not worth it._

_I'm not worth it._

_I'm not worth it._

And all the while, the ring lay discarded on the floor, mocking him.

* * *

><p><em>Author's Note: Review if it's worth it! (Ohoho, what an awful joke, sorry 'bout that!) I may make another chapter for this at some point, but at the moment defeat is crushing down on me and I wouldn't do it justice (self-pity no jutsu!) Thank you for reading :)<em>

_x_


	2. Chapter 2

_Author's Note: Alrighty, self-pity mode behind me, I was able to write this chapter properly! This is the only follow-up though, there won't be any more. Slightly different perspective this time, and if I'd been able to set a new set of main characters, it would be a Naruto U. & Gaara now. Depending on how you read it, there could either be slight GaaNaru, or it could just be a strong friendship, which was how I was planning it anyway :)_

_Here's hoping this chapter works!_

_Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or the characters, they're Masashi Kishimoto's and his alone! (sob)_

* * *

><p>Naruto sat on a low couch, his knees drawn up, and watched as the Kazekage sifted through the papers on his desk. It had been two weeks since the break-up, and Naruto had finally decided that he needed to get away from his village for a while, be in the company of friends which were his, and his alone. The awkwardness of his friends in Konoha was stifling, since they didn't want to be seen taking sides.<p>

Gaara had been all too happy to take him under his wing. Naruto had never felt so grateful to the redhead, but found himself irritated at the thought that Gaara probably considered this as some sort of part-repayment or something. He was always so insistent about that.

The door opened softly and both men looked up as a huge, bear of a man looked around the door, his reddy-orange eyes drifting over to Naruto before addressing the Kazekage.

"Kazekage-sama, is this a good time?"

Gaara pushed some papers aside and nodded, "It's as good a time as any." Then he smiled, an expression which still surprised Naruto to this day although he'd been doing it for years. "Come on in, Jugo."

The ex-Taka member stepped into the office, greeting Naruto properly now with a smile and a raised hand. Naruto grinned, not realising that the expression on his face was more of a grimace.

Gaara and Jugo shared a worried glance before the tall man began telling Gaara about some goings on down in the village. Once he was sure their attention was diverted, Naruto dropped his ridiculous grin and started pulling absentmindedly at a thread on his sleeve. Ever since Gaara had stopped Jugo from killing scores of shinobi in a murderous rage during the war, the tall man had been Gaara's most faithful shinobi. Naruto didn't understand exactly what had happened, but from what Gaara had told him, it sounded pretty baffling.

Naruto looked up at Jugo again, and his eyes drifted over the tiny mark which Sasuke had managed to put on the man's arm when he'd defended Gaara instead of his leader. Sasuke hadn't been too pleased with that, as much as he tried not to show it.

"_I'd thought he needed me. It felt so good, to be needed again…"_

"…Sasuke?"

Naruto had barely breathed the word, but Gaara was in front of him in a heartbeat, grasping his hands. Naruto could see the Kazekage's face, morphed into concern. He could see his lips forming words, but suddenly his mind was filtering it all out and all he heard were the voices.

"_He was the last one. Even _you_ said you'd kill me if you saw me again. Jugo was the only one left who wanted me alive. He was my last hope…"_

"I didn't know…"

Gaara turned desperately to Jugo, his eyes pleading. Jugo promptly nodded and quietly left to stand just outside the door.

"Naruto, listen to my voice. Single it out, I need you to listen to me!"

"_You said you could read what was inside my heart, but you only scraped the surface. Deep down, all I wanted was for someone to find me, but even you didn't see the truth in my heart. I told you you'd never understand… I never wanted to be right."_

"_You did everything you could, Naruto. You were so brave, ttebane."_

"But… Kaa-chan, I couldn't…"

"Naruto! Don't listen to them, come back to me Naruto!" Gaara was shaking the blonde's shoulders now, but Naruto stared through him as if he were made of glass. His eyes seeing a claustrophobic world that Gaara could never see.

"_Guts wasn't enough… If you'd been smarter you might have known what to do. But there's no helping that now, everything was already in motion."_

"Nngh!" Naruto groaned, leaning forward onto his knees.

"_You know, if you'd…"_

"_Thought harder…"_

"…_dodged that blow…"_

"_Did your best…"_

"_You should have…"_

"Damn it, Naruto! I'm right here! Look at me!"

"… _wasn't going to…"_

"_You promised…"_

"… _calmed down…"_

"Snap out of it!"

"_YOU PROMISED!"_

"…_Just wanted a friend…"_

"NARUTO!" Gaara screamed to make himself heard, above not only Naruto's painful, maddening wails, but against the voices he knew were overcrowding his friend's mind. But Naruto only brought his hands to his head and began viciously tugging at his hair. Gaara went to grab his hand back again, but the blonde's skin burned him when he made contact and Gaara withdrew in shock. He watched, horrified as, sure enough, Naruto's skin began to crawl with an ominous red chakra.

He tried again to get through to Naruto, who's cries were becoming more and more feral. Jugo's head came back around the door in alarm, but Gaara yelled at him and he reluctantly disappeared once more.

Bracing himself, Gaara pulled his defence in tight around him, hugging his body with sand. Naruto was losing himself, he had to act fast.

It burned. Even through his sand armour, the chakra blistered his skin but Gaara held on tight. He pressed himself against his friend and crushed him into the tightest embrace he could. Sand began to creep around Naruto as well, attempting to smother the smouldering chakra which leaked from Naruto's weakened body.

"Naru-to…" Gaara's voice broke as he struggled to calm the blonde, "Listen to me… _Please_?"

Naruto still resisted, still trapped deep inside his suffering mind.

"He's taking advantage of you, Naruto. The Kyuubi…" Gaara gritted his teeth, "You've got to hold him back, you hear me? Fight it!" Gaara's voice the broke completely as he cried, "FOR KAMI'S SAKE LISTEN TO ME!"

For a moment, Gaara thought he'd shattered the blonde like a glass shell as the resistance beneath him abruptly vanished. He fell forward with the sudden loss of pressure, but when his arms found Naruto's sobbing, shaking form still within them, he pulled his friend close once more, resting his head on top of Naruto's blonde one.

Once again, Jugo appeared, crouching beside the Kazekage who now cradled a blubbering young man in his arms and rocked him gently, whispering soothing words into his blonde hair.

"Shall I bring Temari to finish the paperwork?" He asked, peering at Naruto's exhausted, weeping face. Gaara nodded, lifting Naruto off the ground and disappearing in a swirl of sand.

"…?"

Naruto gradually became aware of himself, aware of reassuring arms around him, he was aware of the crusty residue of tears on his face, and the rawness of his throat. He coughed, instantly wishing he hadn't as it began to itch terribly.

"Feeling better now?"

"… Gaara?"

Naruto looked up into a gentle face. His red haired friend had that tiny smile on his lips, his eyes sparkling with… something good. Gaara gently prised Naruto off of him and propped him up on a sofa. Naruto looked around as Gaara walked into another room, recognising the inside of the Kazekage's modest apartment.

He pressed his palm to his forehead, noticing as he did so that he'd pulled out some of his hair again. He had a headache… How hadn't he noticed the headache?

He felt a glass of water and a pill being pressed into his hands and looked up as Gaara sat back down beside him, careful now to keep his distance.

"For your headache." He said.

Naruto smiled gratefully, swallowing the painkiller and gulping down the glass of water thirstily. Gaara watched him carefully, taking the glass away when Naruto finished.

"Sorry…"

Gaara arched what would have been an eyebrow. "You've nothing to apologise for."

"For being a burden." Naruto continued, regardless.

Gaara smiled sadly at his friend, and sat back down beside him, placing a hand on his shoulder. He waited until Naruto looked up at him again before he spoke, because he wanted to make sure he heard this.

"You're not a burden, Naruto."

"But-" Gaara held up his other hand to stop the protest he'd known would follow.

"I know what Sakura said to you, and I know how you interpreted that, but I promise you," He squeezed Naruto's shoulder to emphasize his words, "I _promise_ you, Naruto… That you will find someone, one day, who will take your difficulties in their stride. There is always hope."

Naruto's voice was small and it wavered when he whispered, "I don't believe in promises anymore."

"Then trust _me_, instead of my word."

Naruto could see the sincerity in Gaara's eyes, and it brought the teary feeling back to his own.

"I will help you, you don't have to suffer alone."

"…"

Silently, tears slid in heavy droplets down Naruto's whiskered cheeks and over his upturned lips. With a shuddering sob, he leaned into Gaara's chest and curled up there like a child. Gaara obediently wrapped his arms around the larger man for the third time that day and rocked him until he drifted into the uneasy oblivion the blonde now called sleep.

"One day, you'll believe me." Gaara whispered into the air. He smiled, and as Naruto burrowed closer against him in his sleep, the redhead hugged him closer.

No one was here to see, after all.

x

* * *

><p><em>Author's Note: I'd like to say a big thank you to <strong>wlkwos<strong> for giving me the Kyuubi idea! :D And thanks for reading and reviewing! You guys make my day every time ^-^ x_


End file.
